An Emotional Test
The past few weeks have been a test of my emotions, all emotions; even the most negative part of my personality.
I have made a conscious effort in the past 12 years to rid my personal world of negativity. For the most part I have done pretty good job. Some may feel that my ability to take a very large step back from the things/people that provoke these negative feelings in me is a bit harsh. Sometimes I feel the same.
These past few weeks I have been working with my brothers & sisters to get our mom (and ourselves) through her major health emergency. It’s funny to realize how all of our very different, child-like personalities come out as we are faced with our mother’s mortality. I have had to resume the role of the “mean, big sister”. I, naturally, have a very “take charge” attitude and I know that some of my siblings see that as confrontational. The others understand where I am coming from as the eldest of 5 and based on the roll I was put into as a child. I just knew that I had a job to do and that job was to communicate information from doctor to sibling all while remaining unemotional so that unnecessary alarms wouldn’t go off in the minds of the few who jump to the first negative thought.
I did learn that if I continue to distance myself the things/people who provoke negative feelings in me the better off I am to continue to stay away. More importantly, I also realized that I don’t have to stay away from all of the people who I have lumped into this “negative” category. Through this I have an opportunity to re-connect with 2 of my most favorite people in the world. It appears that they are in a transition in their own lives and that maybe the 3 of us can forge ahead, together, in a very positive manner.
So at the end of the day, our mom is recovering and moving onto, hopefully, better health. And I, in the meantime, will keep control over what I can in my life, accept people for who they are but also recognize who I need to keep at an arm’s length for my own health.
Namaste
More of the Muck
Our taxes are officially filed. Great big sigh of relieve as I shake off today’s muck so that I can become more like the lotus flower.
The muck of my earth…..
My 72 year old mother has been in the hospital (ICU) for 12 days…. By the way, I am the eldest of 5 very hard headed adult children and the family spokes person. Watching my mom battle back from emergency surgery has been tough but it is made tougher by one of my siblings. I am supposed to be the rational sister. I have to relay medical information to my family and try to keep my emotional feelings quiet. All while trying to make a sister understand that mom’s health recovery is more important than her “social” obligations. Mom is so confused from the medications & the fact that for 12 days she hasn’t seen the sun rise or set that she doesn’t know what day it is or who has been to visit her. I’m trying to keep my composure and be the rational daughter/sister that I am expected and happy to be. This is going to be a very long recovery for my mom and these past 2 weeks are just the very beginning of that process. I have to keep my cool. It’s a good thing that I have my wonderful husband and kids to keep me on track and ground in my reality…
*The Bhagavad Gita speaks of the need to strive to be like the lotus blossom, pure of heart so that the muck of earthly matters do not cling to us.
I’m 43 years old and I’ve reached a transition phase in my life. This is my space to try and figure things out. Maybe here I will feel like the lotus flower but I’m sure over the course of this blog I will have pointed out why I am currently not in full bloom. I have a little bit of muck of earthly matters clinging to me. It is a live journey of the transition into the next phase of my life.
In Hinduism lotus flower mythology states that within each person is the spirit of a sacred lotus. The Bhagavad Gita speaks of the need to strive to be like the lotus blossom, pure of heart so that the muck of earthly matters do not cling to us.*
References to the lotus flower symbol are also found in the tradition of hatha yoga, which features sitting in the “lotus position” during meditation as a central core of its practice.**
The lotus is also a symbol of the centers of consciousness within the body (the chakra centers). The highest chakra, known as the crown chakra or sahasrara chakra, is referred to as a thousand petaled lotus flower.***
The ultimate lotus flower meaning in the Hindu belief system is that the lotus flower symbol represents awakening to the spiritual reality of life.****
The opening of a lotus flower represents rising from primal thought and base energies to highest spiritual consciousness. This meaning reflects closely with the Buddhist lotus flower meanings as well, where they refer to it as ENLIGHTENMENT.*****
